This morning, as my Facebook status described, I woke up to the radio. The song "So Into You" came on partway through the last chorus. This song always reminds me of my dad, because it was on one of those best of the 70s compilations that I got from him. In a split moment, I was reminded of those nights when my dad was going through chemo and wasn't able to sleep because he was too jittery. I was going through my night-owl phase - coming creatively alive past 11pm - which worked great for living upstairs in my old house because I could play my guitar as loud as I wanted and he never said a word. Never told me to turn it down. And once in a while, I thanked him by playing something old like that, or Boston, or Foreigner. It will be five years this coming spring that he died. Man, that went by fast.
I went to coffee with a very old friend of mine who was obese just like me as a kid. He was a grade older than I was. We used to spend our weekends making cookie dough and watching movies. He had a cancer scare when he was 17, and the doctors told him to drop the weight or he'd have no chance if it came back. He has lost about 130 lbs. When we were drinking out coffees, we both admitted how unfortunate it was that we waited until now to get healthy. It just feels like life is too short to spend it being big.
I found some pictures yesterday of me circa 2000-2005. When I wore 3XL shirts and size 26-28W pants. I was so sad on the inside. Boys never looked at me in that way. I had no idea how to flirt, as it was never done properly to me. So my attempts at conversation were awkward and probably came off as weird.
Alot of people don't know that Jeff has lost about 50 lbs. He was 205 when I met him. On our first date (Oct. 7th it will be 5 years since we met) - I thought he was heavenly looking and assumed he'd take one look at me and call it a night. He didn't. Flash forward to more than 150 lbs. lost between the both of us...our meals are for the most part planned and nutrient rich. They are healthy, and I would say I really enjoy eating them. But sometimes we reminisce about when we ate whatever we wanted. The plates of fettucine alfredo with bacon crumbles. The pizzas and bottles of wine. Pancakes and omelettes. Mmm. Horrible for you. And yeah, people can say "moderation" all they want - but when you're sitting at the table with that plate in front of you - you're not thinking moderation. You're thinking holy shit this looks amazing! So I sparingly allow those treats in our diets because I have no willpower when it is right there, begging for me! Next Thursday is our first date-aversary and we are going to the restaurant we went to on that night. I am going to have the fettucine alfredo because life is too short to ban things alltogether. But I also know that before and after I will be throwing in extra workouts to negate my decision.
Anyways, that was a side-step away from my initial concept of life is too short to be chubba. There's this rider, Rachael Jensen. She's like the fastest thing on two wheels, and I swear she is destined to be on the cover of Bicycling at some point. She is only 13. When I was 13, I was more concerned with the popular girls not making fun of me for being fat and my sister not joining in on the fun. I couldn't bike, and when I did, the frame flexed so bad I thought it would break. I am so ENVIOUS of Rachael. She is so young, and so fit, and just the NICEST young lady on the planet. I hope she appreciates how healthy and active she is. It prompts me to feel disappointed that I didn't get fit sooner. But then again, no regrets and blah blah blah.
My dad ate fast food everyday. My mom NEVER sent him to work with lunch. I don't know if it just happened that way and then became the norm? Or if it was him saying "this is what I'm having!" I wonder if his diet of McDonalds cuisine everyday led to him getting sicker easier? I wonder if he had healthier meals, if his cholestoral would have been better. If his body would have defended itself better. Hmm.
All I know is I am not going to spend another minute on this planet in fat clothes. I am not going to be one of those moms who can barely bend over to pick up their little one. I know life is too short to cut it shorter by being big.
No comments:
Post a Comment