Attention!

So...this past week I have been seeking attention. I'm not sure why. My attention fixation is not by any means a new thing...but I've been able to tone it back as to appear normal and less annoying in my adulthood. As a wee Sam, I never quite knew how to get the attention I wanted.

I would make awkward jokes to the popular girls, hoping they'd laugh and I'd have prestige. Fail - as I found out when one of them pointed out my jelly sandals and deemed me unfit for friendship. As I got older, I would try and attract boys by being funny (it was pretty much all I had) or by playing guitar. Fail yet again - as I seemed to only attract the gays and then the ones I lured in with guitar only wanted to learn Sweet Home Alabama to impress other girls.

Finally, I grew up. Now when I need attention, I ask for it outright. My friends know this about me, and usually indulge me in my quaint little texts saying "What do you love about me?" Of course, I always pay it forward and tell them why they are special to me. After all, who turns down a chance to hear why they are loved?

But lately, it has been a little overwhelming. I'm not sure if it is because of some underlying issue that has my self-esteem feeling shaky? Or maybe we have been so busy with our new house that we're each guilty of partner neglect? Who knows. All I know is I need to be told I'm loved. I need to hear why I am an important person to someone.

That is how I am feeling tonight. I need love. I need attention. And not in a physical way. Just in an "appreciated" way.

Jeff is outside at the bonfire. I can hear his voice...he must be on the phone. I miss him. I want him to come up, shower, and snuggle.

I got my workout in this evening, and am relaxing by writing my feelings out. I had a very good day...eating-wise. Only had a little chocolate after dinner to satisfy my sweet tooth - otherwise, I was very good. And I stayed active ALL damn day. Mini celebration in honor of me!

Alright, enough rambling. I promise I'll write something of merit tomorrow.