And Just Like That, It's Summer

My last posting was at the tail end of January...and it is the beginning of May. So many things have happened in the last couple months. A part of me wants to share everything, and the other multitude of parts say to keep them to myself. However, I've always been a writer, so I figure a little expression of verbatum is tolerable.

I'm sure many of you are aware, Jeff and I are divorced. I received a surprisingly large amount of negative feedback. More than I ever expected. All I will say to those who attacked me is that you will never know what honestly happened between the two of us. I learned a valuable lesson (among many) throughout this process...no one should be allowed to make me feel guilty for pursuing happiness. Those of you who realize both Jeff and I deserved happiness and supported our decision (even through dismay or confusion)- all I can say is thank you. Thank you for being there for the both of us. It is the true definition of friendship. I know for the people I consider friends, I never judge or cast stones. I love and accept. I may not always agree or may sometimes feel disappointment or anger, but I still love and accept my friends and family for who they are. Remember that with your own loved ones. I also want to apologize to those who are close to me who I kept my feelings silent to. It is a self-preservation thing I learned from my parents and utilized in my childhood. In the future, I'm not going to be the peacemaker all the time.

Other than that, there's music and fitness. I am still in studio working on the forthcoming album. I played my first show on April 22nd - and it was an odd sensation...being back in that scenario. I look forward to more club shows...maybe less bars. Haha.

Fitness...hmph. I gained 30 lbs. through the last year. Unhappy stress pounds. I am working to lose them. Fortunately, I know how to do so (I'm an expert at it!) but it will take some time. I made a goal to lose it by the Chequamegon 40 in September.

I did run my marathon that I was training for. Funnily enough, I completely STOPPED running from February until about a week before the marathon. So, I was severely undertrained. But, my stubborn head said do or die...so I did. I finished. Even though a one-legged lady in a wheelchair towing a dog on a leash beat me, I still feel immensely proud. Go me.

Next up, the Chequamegon 100. 100 miles of singletrack. I am super worried something will happen or I will burn out too quick. I am hoping I remember endurance, not speed. Focus, not fly. This is a marathon, not a sprint! Pray for me! Wish me luck!

Lastly, I want to introduce you all to Chad. Chad has been amazing ever since we met. I'm not going to entertain rumors or defend anything in relation the situation...those who know me know. Most importantly, he is good to me. He treats me with respect. He has no expectation of me other than what I am. He is a wonderful man, and I feel love for him that I never could fathom before. A girlfriend of mine called it mature love. I think she is right.

So that's me. I now work full-time in Stillwater, and I drive a cute little Pontiac Vibe (vroom vroom!). I am okay. I am happy. I'm still biking. And I am still writing music.

How are you?

Happy Sam Rambles!

Do you ever feel so content with life that you experience a compelling urge to spill your soul to anyone who will listen? That's why I have a blog!

I have had one of those weeks, my friends. It has been one of those weeks that if I were a person who journals or writes secret things in a diary, the pages would be doodled on with smiley faces and hearts.

Monday I have zero recollection of anything I did. I am sure it involved eating, working out, and sleeping. Tuesday, however, was a wonderful day. I finally picked a stage name. And I am fully satisfied with my decision. People didn't seem to grasp what a difficult decision it is for an artist to label who they will be for the foreseeable future. Everyone kept drilling me on why I didn't want to stick with Sam Grimes. I am proud of the album I released under my maiden name. I really am. But she's not who I am anymore. I hear that name, and while I respect my past, I had to move on.

Every name I got close to settling on had an issue. One of them I had nearly decided upon and then realized it was the name of some Irish bass guitarist of some band I'd never heard of. When people Google me, I want them to get ONLY ONE rock star. A.k.a. moi!

I know you are all wondering what my new name is, and a privileged few know already. And if you really cared, you'd notice it is written on the video I uploaded on Facebook. So I suppose I could just out myself. I am in the final phase of accepting a recording contract with BiPolar Transmissions out of St. Paul, MN. I will release my full studio album as Samantha Leighton. (Pronounced Lay-ton). No saying "Ugh, that wouldn't be my first choice!" because then you won't get invited to shows! Only kidding, you'll still be invited. Maybe.

Tuesday I booked my first show under my new name. It was this amazing, perfect feeling. Kind of like when an author starts planning their book tour...I felt giddy. I had to celebrate. So it was celebrated with a pitcher of Old Style. Suave!

Wednesday I spent working on music. I went down to my drummer Aaron's practice space in Minneapolis and hammered out the 5 tracks that will be full band on the album. I showed them this new song I wrote, and it gave me chills.

Side note, I wrote a new song. I haven't been able to think of a name for it, yet, but it is my favorite song I've written since getting back into the scene. It's passionate, electric, strong, and smoldering. When I play it, I feel like I am in love with it. Whenever I write music that touches me, it's an overwhelming experience. But this song goes above and beyond that. I am so excited for it.

Thursday more music stuff in the AM. Chores in the PM. I also had my tax appointment and ended up REALLY pleased with the outcome. REALLY PLEASED. Then...a text here, a text there...and my weight has been awesome lately, so we celebrated with Chinese food! Mmm!

Friday, more studio pre-production stuff. I was supposed to go to Duluth to visit my best girlfriends, but the driving situation fell through. I was really bummed, but then Jeff and I decided to have a couple people over for a few beers and hot tubbing! So I went running and had my fastest mile time EVER! 8:40! I know that isn't fast by any means, but for a formerly obese girl who ran her HS mile in 48 minutes, I'm pretty stoked!

When people came over, we realized that our hot tub was set on sleep mode...so it was a frosty 40 F instead of 102 F. No hot tub :(

Now it is Saturday morning...all our guests have left, and I am wondering what to do with my day. It's supposed to get nearly above freezing, and part of me wants to throw on bike shorts (yes shorts) and ride outside...just to say I did the first spring ride of the year in February! Hehe.

Sunday is the superbowl, and seeing as which we now live in Wisconsin, we're going to do the true WI thing and head to the bar for the game. JELLO SHOTS BABY!

I hope you are all as happy as I am. I am just sitting here, elated, smiley, and feeling loved and special. It is truly wonderful.

Side note, my father's birthday is in two days. He would have been 56. If heaven truly does exist, hopefully he is looking down and thinking I rock...Side note on this matter...a memory I was just reminded of surfaced. When my dad was horribly sick from the chemotherapy, he couldn't sleep at night. My bedroom was just down the hallway from his, and I was in my "up all night writing music" phase. I would sit, axe in hand, and record the same riff over and over again, trying to perfect it. He never asked me to turn it down or stop it. I wonder if he knew how that thought sticks with me. I didn't feel real great about my relationship with my dad towards the end, but I know that he loved me. And that is one instance I remember him showing it.

Anywho, I am totally rambling. That's okay though. When I'm happy, I jabber like a little monkey. And today I feel monkeytastic.

Sending love from the Prairie of Stars,

Sam

Sam's Winter Olympics

Good morning! My oh my, it is a toasty -32 F in the Prairie of Stars. Husband got up for work, fed La Roux, and yelped from the garage this frigid number...merely to validate my plan to stay in bed as long as humanly possible...at least that's what I tell myself. In honor of this week, which has been bitey and cold, I thought a celebratory blog was in order! Therefore, I present, THE WINTER OLYMPICS. Four cold-weather "sports" I find such sport in, even though there are no actual sports involved. Pictures would have made this post, but alas, I'm stayin' in bed, remember?

CADIPULT

Cadipult involves our beautiful Cadillac CTS. For those who do not know Anna - she is a feisty rear-wheel drive sports car with a 6-spd manual. People often comment "Oh, that must be a bitch to drive in winter". On the contrary, I feel safer driving her than any vehicle I've owned. You develop an understanding for exactly how she will respond to your touch and your acceleration.

We also have quite the slope on our driveway. The first 2/3 of the drive is flat. However, that last section is all hill to get into the garage. The weather has left us with a layer of ice underneath a layer of hardpacked snow.

While planning the trajectory, an "athlete" must keep in mind two obstacles.

1) A vintage snowmobile that is kind of parked half-cocked near the wall

2) A giant, gaping hole that is going to have a drain cover someday but for now is just a broken ankle waiting to happen.

Cadipult involves the culmination of all the above concepts. It comes down to getting Anna from the base of the driveway into the garage without crashing.

The approach can go two ways. The first starts off with "Shit! The garage door took longer to open than I thought. Now I have stop at the base of the hill. Stopping means 1st gear. 1st gear means not enough power! 1st gear means her back end is going to slide to the right and straight into a fence post." DISQUALIFIED! This usually leads to backing all the way back down the drive and approaching the second way...

2nd gear! Where all the glory lies. If the garage door opened right when you touched the button, you have the luck of being able to stay in 2nd gear! It's like the magical gear for Cadipult. It gives enough power to limit wheel spin and get you right up in the garage! And should you have planned, you can keep Anna to the right of the snowmobile while covering the giant hole all in one shot!

Any winner at Cadipult gets a medal...because otherwise you get a dented back-end or broken axle.

WET CAT

Our kitten La Roux is an outdoor cat. And before I receive angry hate mail saying "How can you do that to a poor helpless animal"...he has a heated cat house that is probably warmer than ours. So suck it.

We also have a hot tub. And boy, that thing is a real treat when it's super cold outside. Usually this sport involves a couple Tallboys or a bottle of wine, but it has been played sober, too.

La Roux always senses when we're partying in the hot tub. He saunters up, "Meow?" he asks. "Meow?" Almost to say "What the hell, guys? Where's my PBR?" But then La Roux makes one fatal mistake. He climbs up the stairs to the hot tub and tries to join the party.

Wet Cat is just that - a sport that involves counting how many times La Roux gets wet trying to join in on the fun.

BOOTSTRAP JEFF

Hubs and I both have some nerve damage from previous frostbite. During a race last season when the starting line registered -7 F, we both thought "Ahh, that's nothin!" and raced anyways. I ended up losing complete feeling in my left big toe (my favorite toe :() and severe discoloration in the two little piggies next to it. Hubs received his from snow blowing without proper winter boots. His is actually quite worse than mine. There are black marks all over both of his feet.

Anyways, due to this, Jeff has some issues. His feet are constantly ice cold. He literally cannot get them warm anymore (unless in the hot tub, WET CAT!).

As a gift from his brother, hubs got a boot warmer. It's pretty neat - you just stick your boots on the feeties and in 10 minutes, they are toasty warm! It's the only thing besides me that makes him go "Aaaaaaaah!"

Bootstrap Jeff is a sport in which I count how many times Jeff does this in a day. Yesterday was a slow day for BJs...(Oh! Hahahahhaha!) with only a count of 3. The highest number so far? 16 times. 16 times in one day! I know it's not nice because this really blows for him, but at least he is using his gift all the time, right?

ARCTICRAP

Yup. Totally one of my favorite sports. It's winter in the midwest, and that means all the douchebags come out of the woodwork wearing their Arctic Cat jackets. Now, I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have one. It's a very good thing! Especially if you are on a snow mobile and need to stay warm. But wearing yours to Walmart? Wearing it to the bar when you drove your Silverado?

What's really funny is I googled "arctic cat jacket douche" and a picture of Lance Armstrong came up...haha! What the?!

ARCTICRAP allows me to count how many guys and gals commit this offense. I'm not picky, either. It doesn't have to be Arctic Cat. Yamaha, Skidoo, Polaris, etc. If you're going to wear it to McDonald's, I'm going to count it.

So there you go. My winter olympic games. I'm sure there are more that I enjoy...but those are the four I constantly keep track of. Hope you are all staying warm!! I am!

No One Reads This Anyways...

Except my mother-in-law...hello Marlene! It is Martin Luther King day already. My boss gave me the day off to reflect and do service work. He, however, then mentioned that meant laundry and cleaning up the PBR cans in the kitchen.

I have had quite the weekend. Honestly, I was not going for this type of weekend when Friday rolled around. Friday turned into drinks with our new friend Chad - a rad biker guy that we met in the prairie of stars. He showed us around, talked bikes, and somehow convinced my husband that he is going to race in the Birkie. Truthfully, I love the idea of hubs being excited for a new passion. I think he needs something to look forward to relating to fitness. Plus, Chad seems like a really cool fella, and I think he and hubs will make good friends.

So Friday...drinks.

Saturday rolls around, and we both slept in. We couldn't decide what we wanted to do. I wasn't feeling so hot, so we lazily had breakfast and then hubs went to work on our snowmobile that needs some TLC. In the evening, we went to our friend Chauncy's holiday party. (It was originally slated for the night of that huge snowstorm.) Hubs played sober cab, so I played cab sauv.

Saturday...drinks...

Sunday rolls around, and I was really proud of myself. Two evenings of the sauce, and zero hangover. It is a true artform to enjoy a great buzz and not pay the consequences the next morning. (I think Miss April knows what I'm sayin')

Hubs went skate skiing with new BFF Chad. I went to the movies with my galpal Jess. The Dilemma was actually really entertaining. I enjoy Vince Vaughn, therefore I thoroughly enjoyed this film. Got home, starving, and had an apple. I had every intention of sitting on the bike for the following hour, and then showering and going to bed. Instead, we had C-Had and Chauncy both over. It was like a recap get-together.

Sunday....drinks.

I'm not hungover, pleasantly. I'm just tired and spacey. Contrary to everyone my age, I've never had the desire to drink for an entire weekend. Once or twice, maybe I had a drink the day after, but never plural. And because of this little weekend, I feel a little strange.

Oh well, thankfully it is Monday and Mondays always bring a chance to start fresh.

:)

A Day With Sam - (Because I don't just sit on my ass, Steve!)

Happy end of January 12th! Yesterday, I felt so incredibly oblivious. I kept thinking it was today. I even wished the bank teller "Happy Hump Day!" No wonder she cast a judgemental-yet-awkward smile as I waved happily. Well, today is ACTUALLY Wednesday, so congratulations to me. I'm aware of the day! However, there is only a mere 45 minutes left of it...let us use it wisely!

Hubs meandered in from his day with the usual workplace gossip...this dude was snarky...this random rocket part did this thing...and then he mentions someone asked about what I do all day with my time. The person who asked is actually pretty funny, but it resonated with me because I hear it all the time. "What do you do all day?" - always said in an accusatory tone laden with either annoyance or jealousy. Well, you asked for it. I am going to give the people what they want! You want to know what the adorable Sam does with her time? You got it, bitches!

5:30 AM KQRS begins to blare from my iHome. It is an everyday occurrence during the week. It signals me to roll over, place my hand on his shoulder, and whisper "GET UP SUGAR DADDY! I HAVE EXPENSIVE TASTE!"

6:30 After sending my man off with breakfast, lunch, snacks, hugs, kisses and appreciation, I have two choices. I either snuggle back into bed for an hour or so, or I choose option B and stay awake. Today, I really wanted to snuggle in, but my mind was already in full-force and begged me to get up and move. So I did.

6:30-8:30 Right away I hopped in the shower. A clean and pretty Sam makes for a happy Sam. I then got to my chores. That's right, I have chores. I'm a housewife, duh. I made the bed, straightened up the clothes hubs left in a rushed trail to get out the door. Then I collected all of the dirty clothes and got my little tush down to the laundry room where I sorted and folded and tra la la. After making sure things were washing, I skipped merrily up the stairs to the main level, where I start up iTunes. My phone rings and I have a ten minute conversation with a friend of mine who is sweet and wanted to know if I needed to vent.

8:30-12:30 With iTunes DJing my morning, I got to work on the entryway I am redoing. I asked hubs if I could spend a little chaching and make it more welcoming. So after scraping tons of popcorn ceiling off, and suffering through the aftermath of hubs sanding the high spots (which left 1/4 inch of dust sitting on EVERYTHING in the ENTIRE house, including inside cupboards and closets), today I had the task of painting the ceiling and prepping the walls. And that's my morning.

12:30-2:30 Making lunch for myself is one of my favorite things about being a housewife. Here's today's recipe:

Chicken & Black Bean Salsa

This one is simple and the calorie count is awesome. I take one chicken breast, thawed, and grill it. Grilled chicken is one of my favorite ways to get protein. And at 120-200 calories per serving (depending on what you buy) - it won't kill your caloric budget. For you veggies out there, you can brown some tofu and use it in the same recipe.

In a medium heated skillet, I put a little extra virgin olive oil misted on the surface. I slice 1/8th of a red onion and let it sizzle until brown. Sometimes, if I'm drinking a coke zero (like I was today) I use coke instead of oil. I then either use one fresh tomato, or a can of stewed tomatoes. Empty can or cutting board into the skillet. Then I put one cup of black beans (67 cents at walmart, fo-sho!) and add it to the mix. Fresh cilantro thrown in will add some flare. After the mix comes to a low boil, I add the chicken in for about 5 minutes...I like how it soaks up some of the tomato juice.

Then I serve it on a pretty plate so I feel ritzy.

While I eat my not-even-400 calorie lunch (that fills an entire plate) - I Hulu'd the last episode of Biggest Loser. I watch that show whenever I get a chance. Those people inspire me...and today was a day I definitely needed a little inspiration.

After I eat, I meander back down to the laundry room to fold and change loads. This usually takes about 15 minutes or so, including putting the clothes away upstairs. God forbid hubs doesn't have the right socks or jeans for work...he gets quite crabby!

2:30 Today I headed down to my studio to work on some music. I am making progress on my second album. Today's task was to work on some harmony parts for my latest song "The Situation". It's a 60s vibe song and I am struggling with finding smart and catchy ways to transition some parts. I hunkered down in my wonderful creative space for about an hour.

2:47 In studio, I have Gmail and Facebook up. My Gmail lit up with a new email from a potential sponsor. They have expressed interest in having me race for them, and if they go for the proposal I sent in response, it would cover my entire season once again. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed. And Steve, in case you're reading this, that's INCOME baby.

3:30ish Get in Caddy, shift from first to second and hit the road. I know I'm not going far, but I just love hearing that engine purr in 4th. But I'll be good and not pass the van going 50. I'll shift into 6th and float happily behind. I have to go to Wal*Mart (I know, but it's the closest thing here with fresh produce and people watching). I have an idea for dinner but I need a couple things. So I shop for about an hour. Walked in needing asparagus and errr, things from the pharmacy department...and stuck to my list...minus one or two measly little clearance shirts that screamed "SAM!"

4:30 Sam home. Shortly thereafter, hubs walks in. Tells story of people thinking I spend my day eating bonbons and Facebooking. I begin to make dinner. Want the recipe? I bet you do!

Mushroom Chicken with spinach couscous and blanched asparagus
I know, I just had chicken. But it's not my fault it's so tasty! Hubs wanted it, and hubs always gets what he wants for dinner. This time, instead of grilling, I broke the two breasts into smaller chunks and sauteed them in zero calorie cooking spray...NOM! (Haha.) For the mushroom sauce, I use cream of chicken low-sodium soup and fresh mushrooms and garlic. Let the garlic cook in the pan first, so it smells like heaven! Of course, I threw more cilantro in there because it's fabulous.

While that is cooking, I make the couscous. Mmm! My favorite. I usually just buy a box of the plain stuff (rice aisle) and mix in some sort of veggie. Tonight, I used a can of spinach. Always remember the juice from whatever vegetable counts towards the liquid you make the couscous with. So, if it says 2 cups of water, and you have a can of spinach that has about that in liquid, you only need one cup of additional water! I let the spinach water mixture come to a boil, and then put the couscous in. Follow directions to finish the process.

While the cous del la cous is, errr, cousing, I boil water to blanch the fresh asparagus. Remember, it's done when bright green!

After everything is hot and ready, serve so it looks beautiful and tricks your mind into thinking you're getting an amazing treat, instead of a healthy meal!

6:15 Dinner is finished, and hubs keeps making silly grin face that tells me he wants some love. I quickly do the dishes (I forgot to mention, I am a stickler for dishes. Unless I am sick, or victim of a zombie apocalypse, my sink is always clean). Snuggle up with hubs, and fall asleep. We both wake around 7:40 and look at one another. I remind him that we both have been under a lot of stress and our bodies probably are begging for sleep. I can tell mine did, because I was out like a light. My calves have just been shot, and it felt so good to rest them and sprawl.

9:10 I wake up, and remind myself a possibly-nationally sponsored mountain bike racer doesn't skip training sessions. Hubs keeps sleeping, and I quietly make my way downstairs to grab my heart rate monitor. Shorts on. Jersey on. Shoes on. Checking Facebook and chewing a piece of Big Red gum. Motivationless. I text two of my people begging for a kick in the ass. Amy replies. She is always good for some motivation. She tells me to get my ass down on that bike. So I do.

9:30-11:00 An hour spent on the Specialized. The rest of the time with P90x arm work. Want a playlist for your spinning routine? Of course you do!

Warm up: Lebanese Blonde / Thievery Corporation

Spin easy, letting your legs acclimate to the idea of not checking facebook. Watch your heart rate, or monitor your RPE, and bring it up to about 130 BPM. Stretch your arms a little, drink some water. Get in the mantra. Try stretching your calves by pointing your toes down for 15 seconds, then flattening and extending your feet in an upward position. All set?

Accelerator and hill climb block: Fort Knox and Hold Tight / Goldfish

These two songs blend perfectly. Start with Fort Knox and ramp up. I've always been used to a numeric tension... 1 being absolutely zilch. 10 being the hardest, most difficult climbing tension you can handle. 3 is a good ramp start number. Move through the song in repetitions of this pattern:

3, jog, run, sprint.

4, jog, run sprint.

5, jog, run, sprint!

By the end of Fort Knox, you should find yourself at a 5...trudging through. Hold Tight - it's a six and half minute song. Perfect for climbing (it was my marathon training song last year and a constant driver for me to move my tucchus). Work your way up the climb, increasing tension and standing up as you feel the song change. I'm a very musical person, and can sense changes and beats. If this is difficult for you, I suggest listening to the songs in advance and following timed cues. Hubs had to do this for his classes because he cannot count in rhythm to save his life. By the end of the song, you should find yourself back in a seated position, jogging lightly and recovering at either a 3 or a 4.

Sprints - I Like It Rough / Lady GaGa

:40 bring it up to a run

:56 SPRINT! (20 seconds)

1:28 bring it back to a run

1:44 Sprint! (20 seconds)

2:24 run

2:32 SPRINT! (30 seconds)

Recover.

Standing charges - Great DJ / The Ting Tings

This is a great one to get out of the saddle and really go powerhouse. By now your legs should be up for it, and all you need is some lung power. During the chorus, bring your standing jog to a run. Do it up every time sexy British lady starts "Imagine all the girls ah ah ah ah ah ah" singin.

The 5's - Fire To Me / Hyper Vs. The Crystal Method

I freakin' love this song. It's about five minutes of wanting to die. After recovering from the standing charges, find your tension at about a 5. Too easy to stand up, but really tough to sit and pedal. In 30 second increments, run for 15 seconds. The first couple times will be fine, but once you get towards the last half of the song, your legs will burn and you'll feel all firey!

Best Pace - Running Out / The Scissor Sisters

Another favorite song of mine. This one is perfect for getting down in the velo position.

See Floydy here?? He's down, and ready for action. Just like you should be for this song. The natural driving force of this beat should propel you to just keep going at an even pace. It's not about being super fast, it's about being consistent....

Cool Runnings - Skeleton Boy / Friendly Fires
Halfway through! During the chorus of this song, bring your pace up to a run. Kind of like with the 5's, only perhaps at a lower tension. It breaks up the monotony of the last routine. It gets your legs a little loose and ready for a hill. And it's a bitch.

HILL - My Rainbow / Goldfish
I know, I used Goldfish already. But they rock, so it's allowed. This song is over seven minutes. Spin easy at the start. Work your way up the first half into a standing jog. You should be at about a 6/7. Before your heart goes into overdrive, back it down and bring yourself to a descent. It will feel good. Sit, spin, and recover for about 30 seconds. Then do it all again...only get yourself up to an 8/9. Maybe even a 10 depending on how you feel.

Sprints - I Like It / Enrique ft. Pitbull
Those familiar with my routines know I love sprints after hills. And this song is all catchy and crap.
:52 SPRINT (15 seconds), 1:45 SPRINT (15 seconds), 2:30 run to prep, 2:54 SPRINT (30 or 60 seconds, depending on ballsyness!)

JUMPS! 3 / Britney Spears
I'm not going to lie, Britney is my lady. And she rocks this one. It's perfect for 8 ct jumps. Divide the track into three sections. The first is 8 ct to the beat. 2nd is 4 ct to the beat. And finally, after the bridge, go balls to the wall in 2 ct. Don't fly off your bike though.

Hill - Take Aim / Kasabian
For those who know us, our race season is powered by Kasabian. Take Aim is my favorite attack song. It slowly starts, allowing you to recover from jumps nicely. Then it just goes into it, and the beat is so perfectly matched to the sensation of racing through single track. Like you're on the hunt. Climb it up, baby!

Tension Sprints - Everyone's At It / Lily Allen
The beat is a little slower for springs, but I'm loving this song lately for being on the bike. Sprint during the chorus and keep it loud. It goes by so quick, you won't realize it's time to cool down. Aim for a tension at about a five. The slower tempo will seem to fit much better with a higher tension.

Cooldown - Ghost Inside / Broken Bells
Stretch. Relax. Breathe. Don't stop pedaling though. Let your body come down slowly.

My home fitness center!

Just because I've made mention of my good fortune to find all the pieces necessary for me to train, I thought you'd like to have a visual of where I spend a great deal of time every day.

Mats, weights, and shoesies. The love seat has my favorite thing - the massage chair. It's where I'm sitting right now, typing this. And it keeps shiatsuing me.

Vajuicey! My treadmill. Yes, all things fitness related of mine are named after vaginally illustrative terminology. My winter bike? Vagine. My race bike? Vajazzle. When I buy a phat tire bike, it will be Vagitis. VAG!

A bike not vag-nicknamed. Because it was technically hub's, even though I spend drastically more time on her. This sexy little Specialized saw me through my first century ride, as well as my first amateur criterium road race. Now it rocks me through my winter training rides.

11:15ish-now

Writing this. Ha! I've been listening to the heater kick on and off. I will be headed to bed shortly. I hit 10 lbs. lost this morning as of the New Year, so I'm hoping my weigh-in tomorrow will reflect more positive change. Hopefully this insight into how I spend my day lets people know I am a busy girl. I am constantly cleaning, working out, and doing anything else my breadwinner tells me to do. I'm happy to do it though, as I am very blessed to be able to stay home and pursue passions.

And just an FYI, you can have Facebook logged-in and in the background all day...it doesn't mean I am actually sitting there pressing refresh and waiting for comments. At least, most of the time.

GOODNIGHT!

Colours

:)

The Ponder-osa

Oh, Verdana, you saucy minx! I have not seen your font face is ages. I feel like a schoolboy on Sunday, never wanting to wake from this illustrious experience!

I have been pondering a great many things the past couple days. Friends of mine have brought forth some interesting, suggestive concepts that have truly found themselves embedded into my subconscious. These thoughts are just begging to be explored and mulled over. So without further adieu, I give you...my thoughts! Three of them to be exact!

Accept everyone you meet in life as a teacher.

This idea struck me as a revelation. I feel as if my entire adult life (which, granted, has not been so extensive) I have always viewed toxicity as a negative attribute. Toxic people, for instance, found their way into my heart and had to be quarantined and removed like a life-threatening illness. I cursed their names, swallowed my hurt, and vowed never to return to the place of their remembrance. And then this damn saying came to light and I found myself revisiting the past memories of those I had considered cured from my mind. Two people from my past are at the front of that queue. You know how, say, you have an ex that hurt you so badly, just speaking their name leaves you shaking and resentful? These two people have that very effect on me. Yet, applying the above statement, I've started viewing them with a more forgiving, compassionate attitude. They were teachers. Educators, in fact, who taught me very difficult lessons. I often found myself praying for the Butterfly Effect, wishing I could wipe clean the entire slate that bore their impact on my impressionable, younger self. Now, I find myself realizing that without their influence, I would not have the wisdom to recognize detriment. I would not appreciate the good in people, or the importance of forgiveness. I still taste a little bitterness in my mouth when their names escape my lips, but I am beginning to smile at the better moments of those experiences. And with that realization, that everyone I meet is a teacher, I can embrace new people and experiences with interest and true passion.

Everyone has a word. One word that describes who they are within. What is your word?

PASSION. My word is passion. Or passionate...whichever context is appropriate. Ever since I was a little Sampson, I had this lust for experience. There is a part of me I share very rarely with people who come in to my life...I have a very heightened sense of awareness. You know that feeling of Deja Vu? No, not the grimey, sticky stripper poles of the Vu in the metro, but the actual feeling you've seen or done something before? I have that constantly. On average, about 8-10 times per day. Sometimes the feeling is mere seconds, but sometimes it can last over an hour. I tend to keep that side of me private, because people think it means I'm either crazy or should be able to know lottery numbers. Either way, no go. But that awareness has always driven my passion. If I sense the Dej, as I like to call it, coming on - I have this insatiable lust to want to experience whatever it is I'm about to experience. I want to taste every morsel of whatever is happening to me. I want the moment to resonate in my bones and completely overtake me. I know no other word for that other than passion.

Aside from the Dej, passion finds itself in me at other junctures. For instance, fitness. I am passionate about my body. I am passionate about being the best version of myself I can be. I am also passionate about people. I want to learn what makes us all who we are. I want to know what has happened in people's lives to make them who they are when I first meet them....when I touch them...when I look into their eyes. It's an unquenchable thirst. I ache to connect with people and feel close to people. Perhaps because I never felt close to anyone as a child. Is it the child in me who wants to feel loved, accepted, and important in everyone's lives?

Everyone has an affliction. What's yours?

That's an easy one, but it brings forth a lot of explanation. No worries, I won't go into details...this is the internet, is it not? Can't have all the mystery of Sam out there in the open. I would say my affliction is addiction. My mother and siblings have an addiction to alcohol. Fortunately, they recognize it and have learned to abstain. Alcohol doesn't do it for me. I mean, I enjoy imbibing and having a good time, but it doesn't give me that rush. I just have the addictive personality in other forms. Food, for me, is the worst. Mainly because there is no abstinence when it comes to food. You cannot just say "No, I'm recovering. No food, thank you". Food is a medication, and it triggers those pleasure receptors in my brain to say "HEY YOU! YOU'RE LOVED!" The past three years in which I made such a complete 180 in my life have given me a new body and new lifestyle, but I still battle daily with food. People have a locked liquor cabinet for the alcoholics in their life...I have a locked food cabinet. Jeff keeps all the bingeables in it. It is ridiculous, yes, but it is the only way it works for me. The addictive personality doesn't stop at food...it latches on to passion and hides itself there thinking I won't recognize it. Mountain biking became an addiction...granted, a good one. Actually, I would consider competition the actual addiction. I learned I could compete and the thrill of comparing myself to others triggered those same pleasure spots and I was hooked. There are other little addictions, but like I said...keep the mystery alive, eh!

So that's about it. No more thoughts at the moment. I am sitting here, sipping my chocolate truffle coffee and pondering what my day will bring.

1 Holiday Down...2 to Go!

I am sitting in the warm glow of my fireplace. The drive on my laptop keeps whirring and I am snuggled up in an Afghan (the blanket, not the ethnicity). I am tired, and my stomach is full. I tried not to overeat, but it is Thanksgiving...and I have been hard at it for the past two weeks...and I have a million other excuses. Mainly, I am just lazy and wanted food.

Thanksgiving is hard for me. My mom left the first time at Thanksgiving, and then in a couple days comes their wedding anniversary. I remember my father was broken-hearted and angry, and I was washing dishes from the makeshift meal my Grandmother had prepared to help keep normalcy. (I was the only child left at our house by this time.) In a fit of rage, he yanked off his wedding ring and threw it from the living room. It hit me and I broke a plate. I had never felt so uncared for or invisible.

I know it has been six years, but that scene haunts me come this time of year.

Even sitting here, thinking about it, my eyes well up as if I am slicing into an onion.

Thanksgiving wasn't always so bad. It was my favorite holiday, save for Christmas. So I try to remember those instead. And truth be told, it is nice having my husband's side of the family to take comfort in. And I know I am welcome at my mom and her boyfriend's, but I still feel out of place and it is a little painful. I just wish I had a different defense mechanism than eating. I reach for food when I am sad. And Thanksgiving is like a giant apology for my pain.

But I will hide the scale for a couple days, kick ass on the bike, and eat sensibly. Whatever I put on today will vamoose and then it is just Christmas and New Year's to tackle. New Year's is another one of my favorite holidays. Nothing like the feel of a fresh start.

I am thinking of what I am thankful for. I am thankful for family, even with the past sometimes leaving me feeling confused or sad, they are still in my life and love me (well, minus the whole dead father thang) and my family that I am a part of with Jeff. I am thankful for my husband, because without him, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be thinner, I wouldn't be healthy, and I wouldn't be as happy. Even with my quirks, my feelings, and my vices, he loves me and takes me in whatever version of myself I wake up in. I am thankful for my other relationships, with my friends who are practically family. I am thankful for a home, heat, a vehicle, food, and my relatively untouched mind. I am thankful for my gifts of music and creativity in general.

I am thankful for those people in my life who leave me feeling beautiful, who leave me feeling important and inspired.

I am thankful for the people who have taught me lessons, even if they were painful ones.

All in all, I am thankful for the ability to take a breath, and do something with it.

Happy Thanksgiving :)

A Little Tease

So, I started playing with a song. It's completely written and recorded...but now I have the lengthly task of mixing and adjusting and playing to get it right. But, since I hyped how awesome I thought I was last night...I am posting a little teaser. It is two parts of the song just thrown together in an mp3.

https://sites.google.com/site/thesamanthaproject/Teaser.mp3

Thank You Fran Healy!

For signing my guitar and not thinking I'm a stalker! I wrote you a song!

The Letter

http://www.purevolume.com/TheSamanthaProject/albums/Teasers

This song is brand new. It was inspired a little from my parent's divorce, as well as some of the neglect that I'm sure all wives feel sometime or another...We can call it a glorified anthem to the hunting widows? I guess what I am trying to say is don't read too much into it. Music I write is not necessarily drawn from the entirety of my personal life.

Also, this is just a sample from the work I've been doing. You'll notice there isn't bass on the song. You'll also notice the levels are a little funky during the jam-out at the end. Everything will get eventually messed with to perfection. The telephone sounding EQ though throughout the beginning is intentional, though. Just sayin'.

Yay for bad covers!

Shorts on November 10th.

I am sitting on the lavender shag that is my bedroom floor. To my left, my cellphone and the air purifier that quietly hums all night long. To my right - the subwoofer of my bedroom system with a glass of freshly poured shiraz sitting dutifully on top. I can still smell the faint aroma of musk that clings to my skin after a hot, steamy shower. It is just after 7 p.m.

Following one of those frustrating married moments...the kind where you realize your spouse is not on the same wavelength as you that moment...I said "fuck it" to my original plan of getting my workout in at 6:30 p.m. downstairs on the trainer. I asked Jeff if it still felt as warm as it did earlier, and he said, "warmer..."

I hurriedly threw on my Shebeast shorts (that's right, November 10th and I could wear shorts) and my Castelli jersey. I asked Jeff to throw on the lightset on Vajazzle and let me go. He voiced his concern of it being dark, and that I shouldn't go alone. Funny, the old and always scared Sam would have agreed. But I am no longer scared of being alone. In fact, at times, I literally crave it. I used to be terrified of being alone with my thoughts or my feelings. Tonight, all I wanted was to be alone with them. To caress them and remind them how important they are. To love them. So I kissed him lightly on the cheek and said, "If I am not back in an hour, come find me".

There is something entirely erotic and sensual about night riding. Pretty sure my racer and rec rider friends wouldn't admit to it - but hell, I'm Sam. I am pretty vocal...eye cock. It really turns me on to be out there. The dependency on all of my senses is what spurs me.

One stretch of road in particular is the highlight of my training loop. It is a 2 mile stretch of heavily wooded, winding road followed by a lengthily hill climb. I could taste the warmth in the air. It tasted wet like snow should be on the ground, but too warm for it to be winter. I could see the eerie glow of deer hiding in the ditches. Their eyes would catch my light and remind me I am not completely alone. I could hear the roar of distant car engines. No music on a night ride - I have to be completely focused to be safe. You never know what creature or vehicle will sneak up on you. My nose was completely bombarded with scent. The Wisconsin countryside provides a vast array of such smells. Inhaling brought forth memories of being a little girl and hiding from the curfew bell. It smelled like forest and nighttime...like trouble, adventure, and danger. I felt alive and on the prowl. That hill was my prey, and it was mine for the taking. I could feel the subtle vibrations of the uneven asphalt. Sweat was dripping down the sides of my face, crystallizing in a stream of salt. The collar of my jersey felt scratchy. My legs wanted me to stand up and pounce. I never deny my legs the pleasure...

I stood up, cranked as hard as I could, and felt my lungs ache and beg for reprieve. The moment I overcome a hill - be it on the road or a switchback up the mountain - it's like a climax. It is the culmination of every sense meeting with the desire and lust for accomplishment. It is ecstasy.

I may not be the fastest. I may not be the most technical or talented rider. But damn, I feel so aggressive. So passionate. So in love with what riding provides me. It burns calories, frustration, and anxiety.

So with that said...I fully suggest riding at night. Make sure you have a red tail light (especially if you are road riding) and a good helmet and bar light combo. I recommend MagicShines (dealextreme.com) but anything you like will fit the bill. You may not feel the joy as I describe it, but I guarantee you will feel excited and ready to attack. Rowr!

Don't You Call Out My Name....SAAAAAAM!

Feeling nostalgic and bringin' out the oldies!

And hey...what if I released an album under Samantha Draper? Creepy or cool?

Olive Juice...Sanks!

So the sound quality blows....but tough noogies, man. Deal. It's me. And side note - I need a new name. I do not want to release another work of awesomeness under my old stage/maiden name. Think of something clever. I have a couple ideas...but am open to suggestions!

Here's how the new album is shaping up so far:

Make Up My Mind, Wheaton County, Draper, Unwittingly, Modern Severance, Make Up My Mind Redux, Olive Juice (I totally just fell in love with it), Love, The Parting, and Englishmen.

Did you know there's a town of Wheaton in Wisconsin?

Thank God My Hair Hides My Sex Face

Happy Hump Day!

Did you watch the little video? Did ya? I know! As my mother-in-law would say, "Darn, that Sam is good!" It is November 3rd today...and in a little over a month (December 7th) I will have been married three years. It is a strange thought sometimes, especially with this summer being the engagemapolocolypse among my peers...I've been there, done that. I'm past the honeymoon phase, and into the "Seriously, I labeled that basket "JEFF DIRTY STUFF FOR SAM TO WASH" and you still throw your work socks on the damn ground?" phase.

I'm not lying when I say it is wonderful to be stable...I've always dreamt of a husband that took care of me and let me pursue my many passions and helped me become a better person. Jeff has done all of that (and more!) for me, and I will love him every day of my life for it. But sometimes I envy the newly-lovecharged. They all have that look in their eyes that says "I'm about ready to rip your clothes off and take you behind this Taco Bell". Last night, as we were in bed and Jeff was drifting to sleep...he said to me "Did you shower? Because you kind of smell like bonfire" and then he was out. I guess that's what Rolling Rock does. Makes your wife feel smelly and then puts you to sleep. In all actuality, I was once paid for a gig in Rolling Rock. Which blew because I was 20 and the club was aware of it. Oh well, at least my band was happy. I digress...

We do have our moments though, and he can still surprise me and make me feel completely adored and loved and sexy. And sometimes he throws in the British accent to get me all riled up...He can be extremely sexy when he tries. Just want to put that out there so I don't sound like an ungrateful bitch. Hmmm...maybe I should shower?

I am also the proud new owner of about 20 pairs of amazing shoes. We stopped at a good friend of Jeff's from his old work last night...and after a glass of the most delicious Pinot Noir I've tasted, he mentioned his wife who had passed away had all these shoes and accessories he was trying to get rid of. It's another strange feeling...pillaging a dead woman's things. But she had Dior and Nine West and many pairs of cycling kits size medium...what would you do? I said a prayer, and dug in. Jim's such a love. I wish he knew how much we care about him. He's such a guy-guy, and it's tough to know he is still grieving and we can't help him in any other sense than the "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog" kind. But you do what you can do...and last night, I think he just wanted to see some beautiful things go to a beautiful girl. Me, not Jeff. OHHHH SNAP. See what I do? I make jokes when death is involved because it is my defense mechanism! Thanks dead father!

Today, I plan on finishing a song I began to write yesterday morning. It's being written on the piano, and the chords are a flux between major and minor. It has some chemistry and it reminds me of someone which spurs me to perfect it. I also plan on some trivial housework, a spin session with my imaginary class, and maybe a little raking of the leaves.

Today's mantra: I will see the beauty in things great and small. And I will love like I have never been broken.

I Now Pronounce You Mrs. Breakfast Blend

It's 7:25 AM...Do you know where your Sam is?

She's right here, yo.

Drinking her coffee.

Enthused for the day ahead...see?

So this morning, I married my coffee. It was a beautiful ceremony. I vowed to add some skim milk and a splash of sugar-free syrup, and it vowed to keep me going through thick and thin. A pretty good trade if you ask me. See that giant cup? I love giant coffee cups. Maybe it is due to my addiction to the show F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Anyways, my coffee and I are very happy together. Please send all monetary forms of congratulations to Star Prairie, WI. Thanks.

What a weekend. I don't even remember what we did Friday evening. Saturday was the Elk River Hellside mountain bike race. I always get nervous tummy before races...and Saturday morning was no exception. It reminds me of when I used to have gigs all the time. If I didn't watch Office Space the day of and sing every lyric in the car on the way to the show, my stomach would remind me why those are my cliche-musts and punish me for breaking the rules. Granted, mountain biker stomach is a little more forgiving, but not by much.

Anyways, this race has been a favorite since I rode in the rec women's class last year. This year I jumped to the added distance of Advanced Women...and took 1st place. After the race, I went up to Brendan Moore and told him it was a strange event not being lapped by him out on the course...(For those not in our MTB world, Brendan has fetus-calves and is the fastest rider in Minnesota and took 1st in the points for the national calculations. He's pretty much the best of the best and rides for Trek) I remember when Jeff and I started racing last year, people referred to him as if he was some God on two wheels. So of course, wanting to fit in, we joined in on the hero worship. He is, of course, deserving of a little worship, but Jeff and I have had the pleasure of just shooting the breeze with him and his beautiful wife.

He came up to me after my commercial had aired during the Olympics and struck up a conversation with me. Right afterward, about five different people came up to ask me what the Holy Brendan had said. I wonder if that gets old for him?

Thanks to the Buck Hill race series last year, I learned how to be passed by the fast boys without hindering their race or mine. And I think people like him respect that kind of dedication to the sport; to know the rules and the etiquette and really want to better yourself as a racer. I found men like Brendan and a couple of the other expert/comp guys were FAR nicer to me when I jumped up to Expert than some of the women. I kept hearing things like "She really shouldn't do that" or I even heard "Can't believe they even gave her a license". The real reason I jumped up? Just to see if I could. I made it a personal challenge to train for that level. I'm well aware that I'm not as fast or technical as Rebecca Sauber (who is the prettiest mountain biker on the planet, I swear) but I can honestly I was NEVER dfl...(dead f*cking last as the classy kids say). I am proud to say my cardio is awesome and challenging myself to that level forced me to learn better control and technical skill. I am a much better racer now. So sharing the 1st in Advanced podium spot with Brendan Moore of the maley riders was a proud moment...even if people think it is a race that doesn't matter. It mattered to me!

So that was my Saturday. It was also Jeff's birthday. He turned 29 and spent the night giving me attitude about feeling old and boring. All I wanted to do was give him love and express how blessed I feel to have him as my husband and friend, and instead I got Xbox shoulder and snarky remarks. He can be such a crab sometimes.

Sunday was fun, though. I spent the morning writing music and then we celebrated Jeff's birthday with his parents, brother, and sister-in-law. We also celebrated Halloween with candy :)

Another thing I'd like to ramble aimlessly about is my music. After I lost the weight and settled in to wife/mountain biker life...it took a backseat. People kept ragging on me and telling me what a waste it is for me not to be playing out or buried in the studio. It got really old trying to explain how much happier I was in the new version of me. I just wanted a break from trying to impress people. And I couldn't write a clever lyric if a gun was pointed at me. I was drained.

Now I'm alive creatively again. Granted, some of my inspiration is due to my overactive imagination...but a lot of it is due to the lack of pressure. I feel like I'm safe to write whatever I want. I no longer look at my guitar resentfully. I pick it up and out of nowhere...I have words in my mouth.

So that's where this stuff comes from http://www.purevolume.com/TheSamanthaProject

Modern Severance and the revamp of Make Up My Mind are currently my favorites.

Alright...enough from me. OH I LOST 2 lbs. Okay now that is really it.

Today's mantra? I am going to be the person I want to be today. I am energetic, fit, creative, loving, flirtatious, and kind.

Skinny Bitches and Mad Men

GOOD MORNING!

Getting up at 5:15 in the morning is tough...

especially when you drank too much wine the night before...

But I have some things I would like to share. Since losing a crap ton of weight, many of my friends have asked me for tips, secrets, or just plain encouragement. I cannot express how good this makes me feel. I am not going to lie - I could not have lost the weight without a great support system. My friends of course were wonderful, but the biggest kudos bar in the box goes to my sweetheart, Jeff and his wonderful mother, Marlene. Jeff because DUH he's wonderful and works his butt off so I can have the time to workout and shop for healthy foods and cook healthy meals. He is also wonderful because he loves me and accepts me for the person I am today, while still respecting and loving the person I was back then. Marlene...well, she makes me scarves. 10 lbs. a piece. I really just lost the weight for the scarves.

Anyways, all rambling aside...I wanted to congratulate the friends in my life that have lost weight. My two best friends, Mike and Amy - are both healthier and more toned than they have ever been since I've known them. They are damn sexy if you ask me.

Also, there are about four ladies I know who are constantly working on their bodies. I would name them, but I'm not sure how they would feel knowing I constantly think about them. :-p I hope they know that I am proud of them, and respect all their hard work!

Thinking about this stuff has prompted me to pull out some old photos. Lets compare Sam's. And I apologize in advance for not having a scanner... :)

That picture was taken during homecoming week when I was a queen candidate. Truthfully, I campaigned for the previous 2 years gathering up all of the votes so that I could take on the popular girls and win one for the nerd-team. Then it turned out all of us were the nice ones that got nominated. Anywho...that jacket is a MENS 3XL. I remember when my mom took me to the embroidery shop to get it...I felt so embarrassed and sad that I couldn't even wear the girl's version of the jacket. Fast forward 5 years...

This is my Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Minnesota official warmup jacket. It is a LADIES size Medium. The shorts (compliments of Miss Tara Steele) are also mediums. I love this picture. The medal around my neck is my 3rd place finish in EXPERT at that state race. I feel beautiful and proud.

REWIND!

Let's compare velour outfits here. The one on the left was for picture day. I was so happy because I thought I was adorable. When I got to school that morning, I remember a fellow classmate asking me why I stole a car cover to wrap around my fat. Kids are stupid (car cover, really?) but they are cruel. At least it didn't stop me from thinking I'm adorable! Check out the picture on the right now...Yep...^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ That dress is a personal favorite. It was the first dress I had ever bought that was a size SMALL. From TARGET! Target thinks I'm a small! Yay. Actually, sometimes Target thinks I'm a medium or a large, too...but no need to dwell....SMALL!


I'm not going to bring up the fact that I look like my mother in the picture on the right. OKAY - So! On the left you have my best friend, Michael. Him and I have been friends since high school. My grandma thought we were dating...sorry Grams! Mike likes boys. I didn't know that in high school though...I thought he liked me. Ohh, how many gays I've loved. Finally...my 'dar has improved and I can tell who likes the vajayjay and who does not. Back to topic - Mike and I were both heavy in high school. Maybe that's why we were such good friends...we both felt uncomfortable in our own skin. The picture on the right was taken last year at my other best friend, Amy's birthday shindig. Look how we both are smiling from healthier faces. Healthier minds. Mike was my senior prom date. It was the best prom a girl could ask for...minus the hot and heavy petting everyone else was doing. If anything happens to the love of my life, Jeffreyah, I will marry Mike so he can have health insurance. :)

MOM! ACK! What the hell was the thought process behind this 'do? I love my mom...I do, but man...this is priceless. There isn't even a photo to compare this to now. It's that heinous. Moving on!

Look! Sam on bikes! In the past, my idea of biking was pedaling around on this contraption that left me out of breath and hungry for twinkies! Now I ride a different kind of bike. Still out of breath sometimes, and still hungry for twinkies...sure...but I swear - It's different! Ohh...remember twinkies? Damn. I haven't had one in ages.

Well...there you have it. A little trip into the history of chubby Sam versus lean Sam. I look at these pictures on days when I feel dissatisfied with my current weight or accomplishments. It is hard to be your own biggest cheerleader all of the time. Fortunately for me, I have a bunch of other people telling me I'm beautiful and sexy and gorgeous. That helps. So hey - If you are having one of those days where you feel mopey or fugly, remember how beautiful and sexy and gorgeous you are!