From the Prairie of Stars
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
And Just Like That, It's Summer
I'm sure many of you are aware, Jeff and I are divorced. I received a surprisingly large amount of negative feedback. More than I ever expected. All I will say to those who attacked me is that you will never know what honestly happened between the two of us. I learned a valuable lesson (among many) throughout this process...no one should be allowed to make me feel guilty for pursuing happiness. Those of you who realize both Jeff and I deserved happiness and supported our decision (even through dismay or confusion)- all I can say is thank you. Thank you for being there for the both of us. It is the true definition of friendship. I know for the people I consider friends, I never judge or cast stones. I love and accept. I may not always agree or may sometimes feel disappointment or anger, but I still love and accept my friends and family for who they are. Remember that with your own loved ones. I also want to apologize to those who are close to me who I kept my feelings silent to. It is a self-preservation thing I learned from my parents and utilized in my childhood. In the future, I'm not going to be the peacemaker all the time.
Other than that, there's music and fitness. I am still in studio working on the forthcoming album. I played my first show on April 22nd - and it was an odd sensation...being back in that scenario. I look forward to more club shows...maybe less bars. Haha.
Fitness...hmph. I gained 30 lbs. through the last year. Unhappy stress pounds. I am working to lose them. Fortunately, I know how to do so (I'm an expert at it!) but it will take some time. I made a goal to lose it by the Chequamegon 40 in September.
I did run my marathon that I was training for. Funnily enough, I completely STOPPED running from February until about a week before the marathon. So, I was severely undertrained. But, my stubborn head said do or die...so I did. I finished. Even though a one-legged lady in a wheelchair towing a dog on a leash beat me, I still feel immensely proud. Go me.
Next up, the Chequamegon 100. 100 miles of singletrack. I am super worried something will happen or I will burn out too quick. I am hoping I remember endurance, not speed. Focus, not fly. This is a marathon, not a sprint! Pray for me! Wish me luck!
Lastly, I want to introduce you all to Chad. Chad has been amazing ever since we met. I'm not going to entertain rumors or defend anything in relation the situation...those who know me know. Most importantly, he is good to me. He treats me with respect. He has no expectation of me other than what I am. He is a wonderful man, and I feel love for him that I never could fathom before. A girlfriend of mine called it mature love. I think she is right.
So that's me. I now work full-time in Stillwater, and I drive a cute little Pontiac Vibe (vroom vroom!). I am okay. I am happy. I'm still biking. And I am still writing music.
How are you?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Happy Sam Rambles!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Sam's Winter Olympics
Monday, January 17, 2011
No One Reads This Anyways...
I have had quite the weekend. Honestly, I was not going for this type of weekend when Friday rolled around. Friday turned into drinks with our new friend Chad - a rad biker guy that we met in the prairie of stars. He showed us around, talked bikes, and somehow convinced my husband that he is going to race in the Birkie. Truthfully, I love the idea of hubs being excited for a new passion. I think he needs something to look forward to relating to fitness. Plus, Chad seems like a really cool fella, and I think he and hubs will make good friends.
So Friday...drinks.
Saturday rolls around, and we both slept in. We couldn't decide what we wanted to do. I wasn't feeling so hot, so we lazily had breakfast and then hubs went to work on our snowmobile that needs some TLC. In the evening, we went to our friend Chauncy's holiday party. (It was originally slated for the night of that huge snowstorm.) Hubs played sober cab, so I played cab sauv.
Saturday...drinks...
Sunday rolls around, and I was really proud of myself. Two evenings of the sauce, and zero hangover. It is a true artform to enjoy a great buzz and not pay the consequences the next morning. (I think Miss April knows what I'm sayin')
Hubs went skate skiing with new BFF Chad. I went to the movies with my galpal Jess. The Dilemma was actually really entertaining. I enjoy Vince Vaughn, therefore I thoroughly enjoyed this film. Got home, starving, and had an apple. I had every intention of sitting on the bike for the following hour, and then showering and going to bed. Instead, we had C-Had and Chauncy both over. It was like a recap get-together.
Sunday....drinks.
I'm not hungover, pleasantly. I'm just tired and spacey. Contrary to everyone my age, I've never had the desire to drink for an entire weekend. Once or twice, maybe I had a drink the day after, but never plural. And because of this little weekend, I feel a little strange.
Oh well, thankfully it is Monday and Mondays always bring a chance to start fresh.
:)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A Day With Sam - (Because I don't just sit on my ass, Steve!)
I know, I just had chicken. But it's not my fault it's so tasty! Hubs wanted it, and hubs always gets what he wants for dinner. This time, instead of grilling, I broke the two breasts into smaller chunks and sauteed them in zero calorie cooking spray...NOM! (Haha.) For the mushroom sauce, I use cream of chicken low-sodium soup and fresh mushrooms and garlic. Let the garlic cook in the pan first, so it smells like heaven! Of course, I threw more cilantro in there because it's fabulous.
Halfway through! During the chorus of this song, bring your pace up to a run. Kind of like with the 5's, only perhaps at a lower tension. It breaks up the monotony of the last routine. It gets your legs a little loose and ready for a hill. And it's a bitch.
HILL - My Rainbow / Goldfish
I know, I used Goldfish already. But they rock, so it's allowed. This song is over seven minutes. Spin easy at the start. Work your way up the first half into a standing jog. You should be at about a 6/7. Before your heart goes into overdrive, back it down and bring yourself to a descent. It will feel good. Sit, spin, and recover for about 30 seconds. Then do it all again...only get yourself up to an 8/9. Maybe even a 10 depending on how you feel.
Those familiar with my routines know I love sprints after hills. And this song is all catchy and crap.
:52 SPRINT (15 seconds), 1:45 SPRINT (15 seconds), 2:30 run to prep, 2:54 SPRINT (30 or 60 seconds, depending on ballsyness!)
I'm not going to lie, Britney is my lady. And she rocks this one. It's perfect for 8 ct jumps. Divide the track into three sections. The first is 8 ct to the beat. 2nd is 4 ct to the beat. And finally, after the bridge, go balls to the wall in 2 ct. Don't fly off your bike though.
For those who know us, our race season is powered by Kasabian. Take Aim is my favorite attack song. It slowly starts, allowing you to recover from jumps nicely. Then it just goes into it, and the beat is so perfectly matched to the sensation of racing through single track. Like you're on the hunt. Climb it up, baby!
Tension Sprints - Everyone's At It / Lily Allen
The beat is a little slower for springs, but I'm loving this song lately for being on the bike. Sprint during the chorus and keep it loud. It goes by so quick, you won't realize it's time to cool down. Aim for a tension at about a five. The slower tempo will seem to fit much better with a higher tension.
Cooldown - Ghost Inside / Broken Bells
Stretch. Relax. Breathe. Don't stop pedaling though. Let your body come down slowly.
Mats, weights, and shoesies. The love seat has my favorite thing - the massage chair. It's where I'm sitting right now, typing this. And it keeps shiatsuing me.
Vajuicey! My treadmill. Yes, all things fitness related of mine are named after vaginally illustrative terminology. My winter bike? Vagine. My race bike? Vajazzle. When I buy a phat tire bike, it will be Vagitis. VAG!
A bike not vag-nicknamed. Because it was technically hub's, even though I spend drastically more time on her. This sexy little Specialized saw me through my first century ride, as well as my first amateur criterium road race. Now it rocks me through my winter training rides.
11:15ish-now
Writing this. Ha! I've been listening to the heater kick on and off. I will be headed to bed shortly. I hit 10 lbs. lost this morning as of the New Year, so I'm hoping my weigh-in tomorrow will reflect more positive change. Hopefully this insight into how I spend my day lets people know I am a busy girl. I am constantly cleaning, working out, and doing anything else my breadwinner tells me to do. I'm happy to do it though, as I am very blessed to be able to stay home and pursue passions.
And just an FYI, you can have Facebook logged-in and in the background all day...it doesn't mean I am actually sitting there pressing refresh and waiting for comments. At least, most of the time.
GOODNIGHT!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The Ponder-osa
I have been pondering a great many things the past couple days. Friends of mine have brought forth some interesting, suggestive concepts that have truly found themselves embedded into my subconscious. These thoughts are just begging to be explored and mulled over. So without further adieu, I give you...my thoughts! Three of them to be exact!
Accept everyone you meet in life as a teacher.
This idea struck me as a revelation. I feel as if my entire adult life (which, granted, has not been so extensive) I have always viewed toxicity as a negative attribute. Toxic people, for instance, found their way into my heart and had to be quarantined and removed like a life-threatening illness. I cursed their names, swallowed my hurt, and vowed never to return to the place of their remembrance. And then this damn saying came to light and I found myself revisiting the past memories of those I had considered cured from my mind. Two people from my past are at the front of that queue. You know how, say, you have an ex that hurt you so badly, just speaking their name leaves you shaking and resentful? These two people have that very effect on me. Yet, applying the above statement, I've started viewing them with a more forgiving, compassionate attitude. They were teachers. Educators, in fact, who taught me very difficult lessons. I often found myself praying for the Butterfly Effect, wishing I could wipe clean the entire slate that bore their impact on my impressionable, younger self. Now, I find myself realizing that without their influence, I would not have the wisdom to recognize detriment. I would not appreciate the good in people, or the importance of forgiveness. I still taste a little bitterness in my mouth when their names escape my lips, but I am beginning to smile at the better moments of those experiences. And with that realization, that everyone I meet is a teacher, I can embrace new people and experiences with interest and true passion.
Everyone has a word. One word that describes who they are within. What is your word?
PASSION. My word is passion. Or passionate...whichever context is appropriate. Ever since I was a little Sampson, I had this lust for experience. There is a part of me I share very rarely with people who come in to my life...I have a very heightened sense of awareness. You know that feeling of Deja Vu? No, not the grimey, sticky stripper poles of the Vu in the metro, but the actual feeling you've seen or done something before? I have that constantly. On average, about 8-10 times per day. Sometimes the feeling is mere seconds, but sometimes it can last over an hour. I tend to keep that side of me private, because people think it means I'm either crazy or should be able to know lottery numbers. Either way, no go. But that awareness has always driven my passion. If I sense the Dej, as I like to call it, coming on - I have this insatiable lust to want to experience whatever it is I'm about to experience. I want to taste every morsel of whatever is happening to me. I want the moment to resonate in my bones and completely overtake me. I know no other word for that other than passion.
Aside from the Dej, passion finds itself in me at other junctures. For instance, fitness. I am passionate about my body. I am passionate about being the best version of myself I can be. I am also passionate about people. I want to learn what makes us all who we are. I want to know what has happened in people's lives to make them who they are when I first meet them....when I touch them...when I look into their eyes. It's an unquenchable thirst. I ache to connect with people and feel close to people. Perhaps because I never felt close to anyone as a child. Is it the child in me who wants to feel loved, accepted, and important in everyone's lives?
Everyone has an affliction. What's yours?
That's an easy one, but it brings forth a lot of explanation. No worries, I won't go into details...this is the internet, is it not? Can't have all the mystery of Sam out there in the open. I would say my affliction is addiction. My mother and siblings have an addiction to alcohol. Fortunately, they recognize it and have learned to abstain. Alcohol doesn't do it for me. I mean, I enjoy imbibing and having a good time, but it doesn't give me that rush. I just have the addictive personality in other forms. Food, for me, is the worst. Mainly because there is no abstinence when it comes to food. You cannot just say "No, I'm recovering. No food, thank you". Food is a medication, and it triggers those pleasure receptors in my brain to say "HEY YOU! YOU'RE LOVED!" The past three years in which I made such a complete 180 in my life have given me a new body and new lifestyle, but I still battle daily with food. People have a locked liquor cabinet for the alcoholics in their life...I have a locked food cabinet. Jeff keeps all the bingeables in it. It is ridiculous, yes, but it is the only way it works for me. The addictive personality doesn't stop at food...it latches on to passion and hides itself there thinking I won't recognize it. Mountain biking became an addiction...granted, a good one. Actually, I would consider competition the actual addiction. I learned I could compete and the thrill of comparing myself to others triggered those same pleasure spots and I was hooked. There are other little addictions, but like I said...keep the mystery alive, eh!
So that's about it. No more thoughts at the moment. I am sitting here, sipping my chocolate truffle coffee and pondering what my day will bring.